Every once in a while (perhaps not as often as I’d like) I get a chance to kick off my shoes and sit back to watch some mindless TV (no, not HGTV as you would expect, that’s too much like work). I enjoy the intrigue of public television’s Antique Roadshow. I see the lines of people in the background carrying their prized possessions, great and small, in search of a professional appraisal. Of course, the artifacts that typically get the spotlight are intriguing pieces which have a high market value that is often a surprise to their unsuspecting owners. But I appreciate that the producers of the show have now added in a little extra feature during the closing credits where all the people whose items were not chosen for the featured spots give a 10 second quip on what they found out. Most of these people will tell you that their prized family possession doesn’t have any real market value, but this doesn’t make them any less valuable to the owner! This dilemma of what to do with family heirlooms is quite common for many of my clients. There are some things that are just too precious to let go, and we certainly need to find a special place for them. On the other hand I can’t count all the times that I have had clients confide in me that although they really don’t like the antique dining set or a chest of drawers (with drawers that don’t function anymore), they can’t seem to let it go! Believe me, I can totally relate to this, I have several mementos from my grandmothers that mean a lot to me, but that being said, I am more of a “functional memory” person—meaning, I actually like to use the items that have been passed down, rather than have them sit in a box. I enjoy cuddling up in the hand-crocheted afghan or working at my grandmother’s antique writing desk. In fact, this desk was one of the few pieces of furniture that made it through the 5 interim moves we made before we finally got to settle into our newly renovated home in Bethlehem. Sure this might actually shorten their life-span, but these items are by no means museum grade artifacts!
While we were packing up and purging our NJ home of 23 years, I discovered that a good portion of the possessions my husband, John, was now forced to “go through” were his dear mother’s belongings. My wonderful mother-in-law, had passed away three years prior. John’s mom was and still is one of the bravest women I have ever met. She endured a terrible, disfiguring cancer for several years before her death and she always dealt with it with grace and a smile. I definitely could not comprehend the loss that John must have felt at that time. Having to revisit her death and dealing with her estate was truly painful. So I couldn’t really say anything about or even do anything short of leave the boxes of her belongings on the shelves where they had been since her house had sold, and wait for John to be ready to deal with them in his own time frame…. But still the clock was ticking down to our closing date! Don’t get me wrong, there are several items that John’s mom left to him that are prominently and lovingly displayed in our home. But there are also the boxes of things that we won’t ever use, that our kids might very well find one day still in those same boxes when they have to purge through our estate. I am well versed and disciplined when it comes to purging my own belongings, but I was at a loss as to how to deal with John’s mother’s treasured possessions. Still I can’t help but wonder whether our loved ones really had the intention of making us hold onto items that don’t fit into our lives anymore. So what was I to do? Probably the same thing most every other person in this situation does. Quietly, carefully, pack these valuable boxes up and store them in a safe place (fortunately for us this was at my sister’s house) until we figured out where we were going to live. I am blessed to be able to speak with my Mom almost every day, especially when I am on the road traveling to client meetings and showrooms. She is a great sounding board and after a long day on the road I can unwind telling her about my ever-changing days, filled with myriad of details of my life and career. My mom shared with me recently a seminar she had attended that discussed the issue of wills and estates. It presented the usual technical legal jargon and details, but as a side note the speaker also recommended disclosing to your heirs the reasoning behind your decisions and what you wanted done with your belongings BEFORE you passed. Wow, what a great concept, to actually let your children know ahead of time who would be executor AND if you really did or didn’t care what was done with your possessions. It’s amazing how many loved ones are not given this information, which can also lead to wounds and rifts in sibling relationships.
An Unbiased Opinion
This is a phenomenon that most of us will have to deal with at some point in our lives. What do we do with those treasured possessions that have been passed along to us from our parents, grandparents or any other family members? Sure, many of these items can be proudly displayed like paintings or portraits. And some of them are even pieces of furniture that have been used and will continue to be used for generations. But a great many of my clients have objects in their homes, especially furniture, that is too big, too old, or too “not-me” as one of my clients admitted about an antique oak dining set she had been living with for years, never liked, but it had been her grandmothers and been passed down to her. The thing I find most interesting about some of these furniture pieces is that not only don’t the owners like them, but most are in disrepair because their owners don’t want to waste money on repairs. Sometimes it is exactly the unbiased person that can shed a little light on the subject. I can advise you if a piece of furniture is actually going to work in your room design. I can help assess if it is valuable enough for repairs, re-upholstery or resale and if an expert needs to be consulted to see if a piece is worth the cost of these repairs or being sold through alternative channels. I can also offer options for taking this unwanted piece and either incorporating it into an interior design concept, where its unique qualities become an interesting contrast, sort of like a piece of art, or perhaps transformed into a functional element of the design with painting or repurposing. Certainly in some cases it may need to be simply relinquished of its duties and found a new home by donating it to someone who can really use and enjoy it!
This reminds me of the scrapbooking workshop I attended when my kids were young (and I had the time to scrapbook). I was hard at work, skillfully arranging my page, when the workshop leader suggested I focus on the people in the photo that were important and “crop out” the portion of the picture that didn’t work. Wow! I felt so silly for actually having a hard time chopping off the half of my uncle’s face that was at the edge of the picture, even though it was a really bad photo of him anyway. Sometimes we need an unbiased, objective observer to give us permission to do the things we really know we should do anyway!
But What About the Piano?
Often I am called into projects where my client’s goals and vision of a new interior design are restricted by their heirloom furniture. As I have mentioned in previous articles, sometimes the letting go is easier when you find a final destination worthy of the item, or the memory. One such client worked diligently to find someone to take the piano her children had all taken lessons on. Though it held a great many memories for her, she was now an empty nester, the kids didn’t play anymore and the piano was simply gathering dust in the rarely used living room. She finally came to terms with the fact that the room would be better used with an updated look and without the bulky piano. This is a pretty common dilemma, and one that takes a little work, but she did manage to find a local school that could take it. This freed up the whole area for us to redo her dated living room, including reupholstering the existing furniture, and transform the room into a space she enjoys everyday!
Perhaps this article will inspire you to really take stock of the items in your home. Are some of them holding you back from creating the interior spaces of your dreams? Are there some of your belongings that you have simply gotten so used to hanging on that wall or sitting in that corner of your room, that you don’t even see them anymore? After all, I truly believe that Heaven is filled with proud parents and relatives who are more concerned with praising God for the gift of their families here on earth, than if the family member is still using the prized cuckoo clock or old lace doilies! The memories these objects are meant to be treasured in the depth of our hearts not in the struggles to keep them the center of a decor that isn’t our personal taste anymore.
Antique Roadshow Part 2 will focus on the items that may indeed have a market value and how to part with them. In the mean time, here are some places in the Lehigh Valley that make donating items (and freeing up space) extremely easy!
http://www.habitatlvrestore.org//
http://www.goodwill.org/donate-and-shop/donate-stuff/
http://www.vianet.org/thriftstores/donate_stuff/index.shtml
http://bit.ly/SalvationArmy3WaysToDonate
About the Carrie,
Carrie Oesmann is the ASID, CAPS and AKBD certified Interior Designer of Bailiwick Interior Design, a business she has owned and operated in New Jersey since 1999. Last year she had the pleasure of expanding her business and relocating to the Lehigh Valley, so she now lives in downtown historic Bethlehem with her husband John. Her “Journey to Bethlehem” inspired her to start a blog: blog.bailiwickdesign.com. You can also follow her on Facebook. Carrie’s home also doubles as Bailiwick Interior Design’s Pennsylvania office and unique lifestyle showroom, a place where her clients can experience a variety of options in a real home—it’s unlike anything we have seen in the Valley! Call Carrie for a personal tour of the lifestyle showroom.
Website: bailiwickdesign.com
